Dictator

I was raised by leaders. I was taught at a young age that if you want something you work for it. I was taught to never follow and always be ahead. Set examples and stand aside. And God forbid they ever see you cry. But what about the days I can’t even lead myself out of bed? What about the example I set when I am not strong enough? I was raised in a life where mistakes mean failure and failure was never an option. Some days I feel more like I’m being dictated. Taking over my own happiness and not being strong enough. Being a leader means having strength but this emptiness is hollow to the bones. I don’t feel like a leader. My dad said to never show fear because it’s admitting weakness. And this weakness eats away at my strength because I don’t know if I want to stay. Some days I can’t even lead myself out of bed and I don’t even know where it’s coming from, this dread. I’m not a leader. Depression is clearly the dictator.

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